There was no courage to ask, "Lalu hanya berdasarkan nilai? Berdasarkan asal sekolah? Berdasarkan kemampuan? Kemampuan yang ukurannya subjektif dan relatif, tanpa tolak ukur pasti dalam sebuah perbandingan? Berdasarkan luck? Berdasarkan jaringan, lobi dan negosiasi?"
Then should I recall the memories when she kept telling how marching band would give us benefit in the future for the sake of supporting someone who was in need of supportive cheers, denying my argument that the fuck with burning skin and those instruments coz once you win they only gonna mention your team's name. Sparks of happiness is irreplaceable, I know. But why I can't get such equal support and defense, instead she always tells how useless competitions are.
Those awards waived me from public high school entrance exam but it was never enough. "Because you always have the ability to pass by sitting on the regular test," said her. The most important thing is always to secure a settle and steady job, having bunch of bucks on your account, and treat yourself with the pleasure that you deserve. I believe that it's good but I don't wanna be someone like her, judging from how her life looks now.
I have no idea how to actualize myself if the one who supposed to support me the best always asking me the same rhetoric question, "How this correlate to your future?"
Sincerely,
the one who keeps fighting for recognition.
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